L is for the Way You Look at Me

You know how some mothers are always talking about when they hold their child for the first time they immediately fall in love? Well, I am not one of those mothers. When I held Aslynn for the first time, I was filled with complete joy and excitement; I thought that she was beautiful and I was awed by her mere presence, but I wouldn’t say that I fell in love with her that first time.

It’s been a process and personally, I think it’s better that way. Let me explain before you label me an unfit mother.


I loved her from the first moment I felt her move, and I loved her the first time I got to hold her. But at those times I wasn’t IN love with her - if that makes sense. I guess it is because becoming a parent is a huge, life-changing event that takes some getting used to. (To be honest, I don’t think that I’ve completely adjusted to the idea that I am someone’s mother.)

But over the past 11ish weeks that she’s been alive, I’ve fallen head over heels in love with Luke and I’s daughter.

It’s all because I’ve gotten to know her better. I know what she likes and what she doesn’t. I know the sounds she makes and – usually –what they mean.

I am in love with her because as soon as she sees the camera she gets shy and has to be coerced into doing whatever she was doing before you tried to get it on film.

I am in love with Aslynn because today I watched her eyes get big and interested because she found her own wiggling toes. (I was holding her in a sitting position and she looked down and saw her toes. The look on her face told me that at that moment her toes were the coolest thing she had ever seen. She even reached out in an effort to touch them. Never mind that she got bored about 5 seconds after this whole moment began.)

I am in love with her because her feet play with each other all the time. She crosses her ankles when she relaxed. She kicks my arms and rests her feet on them while she’s eating. She also presses the soles of her feet together. All of these things are just cute.

*Example of the feet and how much she loves her dad. Sorry, you have to turn your head.*

I am in love with her because when something startles her she does what Luke and I like to call the “starfish.” Her arms and legs fly out in different directions and for a second, she looks like a starfish.

I am in love with her because she knows who Luke and I are. She hears our voices and she turns her head to find us. She sees us and she smiles.

I am in love with Aslynn because it takes her 20 minutes to wake up in the morning. We’ve learned that these 20 minutes can’t be rushed unless you want her to be very cranky until she gets a nap.

I am in love with her because as she wakes up in the morning, every few minutes, she stretches and farts so loudly that sometimes Luke and I roll over and ask each other “Was that you?”.

I am in love with her because she makes me laugh every day.


I am in love with Aslynn because there are times when I look at her and I am in awe of her beauty. I am honored to have helped in the process of making a child so perfectly gorgeous.

It used to be that my heart was only Luke’s; I only had to worry about him walking around with it. Now my heart belongs to two people. It’s funny – almost miraculous – how my heart could grow to love both of them so much. And it’s scary to realize that two people have the power to break my heart.

I’m a worry wart. I worry about everything. I imagine almost unrealistic scenarios in my head and then I think about what I would do if that scenario ever happened in real life. From these imagined scenarios I’ve learned that I am going to be one of those scary moms/wives that people know not to mess with because she will mow you to the ground if you try to hurt her family. (I’m pretty proud of that fact actually, and am ready to prove myself if a situation calls for it.)

Alright, I am done with my mushy, lovey-dovey vent about Z; those were just things I’ve been thinking about for a while.
*She wears bibs a lot now. They protect her clothes from getting soaked from all her drool.*
On to other news.

It’s April 3, 2009 right? Yeah, well apparently Idaho doesn’t know that because it snowed a good 2–3 inches this morning. It did melt off by this evening but that is beside the point. I can’t wait to live in a place where it doesn’t SNOW IN APRIL! It has also been in the single digit temperatures this week.

Graduation is 7 days away. WOOT! Both of our families will be here by Thursday night so things are going to get really exciting. Graduation is on Friday. On Saturday Ben, Melina and Arianna are coming to town and EVERYONE is going to a big lunch. And the weekend ends with a bang because Aslynn’s baby blessing is on Sunday, April 12th.

I keep thinking that I need to buy her an Easter dress but then I remember that she already has one. My grandma Shirley made Aslynn’s blessing dress and it is BE-U-TEE-FULL!

Though we’ve been filling out at least three applications a day, we still don’t have a job. We don’t want to talk about it. (But a lot of the people we’ve talked to don’t have jobs either, so at least we know it’s not something that we’re personally doing wrong.)

My aspic centerpiece is poured but not done. I also decided to nix the different appetizer ideas and just go with checkers because it is easier. Sushi with serve as the savory appetizer and puff pastry will be the sweet. I’ll take pictures so you can see the finished product.

I tried to make truffles this week. I am an ugly truffle maker, A.K.A a truffle failure. They were cookie dough truffles and they taste really good but they aren’t pretty by any means so I can’t plate them for a portfolio picture for my Advanced Presentation class. I’ll just have to practice more.

Hope all is well in your lives! Sorry this post is so long!



*Her first Disney experience. Once again, sorry you have to turn your head sideways to see it.*